BY CAROL MARBIN MILLER

Signaling she may have no choice but to return a 4-year-old girl to Cuba, a Miami judge on Monday ordered that the girl's birth father be permitted overnight visits, despite concerns of therapists and the girl's foster parents, who claim a weekend sleepover ''terrified'' her.

Miguel Firpi, the girl's court-appointed psychologist, testified Monday that the girl cried herself to sleep Saturday night during an overnight visit with her father, who came to the United States from Cuba two months ago to fight for custody.

''The child told me she cried a lot. She told me she does not want to go back,'' Firpi told Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Jeri B. Cohen. ``She's anxious and concerned.''

Though Cohen expressed dismay that the long custody battle is traumatizing the girl, she told lawyers for the state Department of Children & Families and the Guardian ad Litem Program that the birth father has ''fundamental rights'' to raise the daughter unless he is proved to be an unfit parent.

That, Cohen added, is a very tall order considering the state's case against him is ``not by any means a slam-dunk.''

Looking at two DCF attorneys, she said: ``You must stand back and look really hard at whether your case will stand up on appeal.''

Then, looking at the birth father and his attorney, she added: ``And the dad must look at what is best for his child.''

The girl is living with foster parents, a Cuban-American family in Coral Gables, and her 12-year-old half-brother. The DCF is arguing that the birth father is not a fit parent and that the girl should remain with her foster parents.

''In this case, a crisis situation is occurring,'' Cohen said.

'This child is extremely bonded [with her foster family]. She is digging in. She says, `I am not going.' She says [to her father], `You are my friend, but you are not my father.'

''On the other hand, there are laws I must follow,'' said Cohen.

She spoke several times of her desire not to be reversed by the Third District Court of Appeal, which she said has been extremely prickly in recent months about judges following the law in parental rights cases.

''The appellate court is very fixated on what's legal,'' Cohen said. ``We have to get it right the first time. Otherwise, it just extends the agony for everybody.''

Cohen also criticized the state agency for some of the questions its attorneys asked the girl's father during an 18-hour interview, suggesting they had no business asking about the father's sex life.

''I read the father's deposition and, frankly, I resent it,'' the judge said. ' `Have you ever kissed a woman other than your wife?' Who cares? I don't want you in my sex life, and I don't want you in his.''

CONSIDER A DEAL

Cohen urged lawyers on all sides to consider negotiating a settlement of the dispute, warning they had ``lost the forest for the trees.''

In what has become a recurring theme during the hearings, Cohen accused the lawyers of being ''bullies,'' more interested in scoring points than doing what's best for the little girl.

The girl and her older brother -- The Miami Herald is not identifying the children to protect their privacy -- were taken into state care in December 2005 after their mother, who had brought them to the United States earlier that year, was hospitalized following a bout with mental illness.

Cohen agreed to allow the children to live with the Cuban-American family in Coral Gables. The brother, who will turn 13 this weekend, was adopted by the foster family after both his mother and father -- a Cuban national who is not the girl's birth dad -- gave up their parental rights.

The foster family is seeking to raise the little girl as well, and their attorney, Alan Mishael, will argue in court today that the boy has a right to be raised with his half-sister and should be a party to the court battle.

So far, the little girl has completed about 24 visits with her father since he was given permission by the U.S. State Department to travel to Miami.

This past weekend was the first visit in which the girl stayed overnight at the Brickell Avenue condo her father is sharing with his Cuban wife and their small daughter.

Firpi described the girl as ''unwavering'' in her opposition to the sleepover, and ''precarious'' as a result of it.

''I don't know why psychological distress is any different than physical hurt,'' said the therapist, who suggested discontinuing the sleepovers.

`SHE WAS HAPPY'

Both the girl's birth father and his wife strongly disputed the psychologist's version of the visit, saying she played with her half-sister, drank chocolate milk and fell asleep by 8 p.m.

''She had a great time, I promise you,'' the father said. ``She did not show me any kind of distress or anything . . . She was happy.''

Said the father's wife: ``She woke up perfectly well. Happy, smiling.''

Ira Kurzban, the father's attorney, argued that although he recognizes the little girl is having ''a difficult time,'' Florida child-welfare law does not allow judges to take children away from their parents just because the child is emotionally traumatized.

In the end, Cohen said, ``I don't know of any legal standard that would allow me to keep the child away from her father . . . I can't stop the visits. I don't want to.''

The judge described the department's case against the Cuban national as ''iffy,'' and said it would only hurt the little girl more in the end if the visits cease and then resume again if her father prevails in court.

''This is a tragic situation,'' she said. ``Nobody caused it. It just is.''