By ALFREDO CORCHADO and ANGELA KOCHERGA / The Dallas Morning News

MEXICO CITY – The ABCs of keeping a husband happy? It begins with an afternoon siesta.

"You want to be rested, beautiful and ready for anything," says Tota Topete, a 60-year-old homemaker-turned-adviser to young women, "particularly for a night of passion, so your husband won't stray."

For the past 10 years, Ms. Topete, whose cooking tips rival Martha Stewart's and whose blunt advice sounds like Laura Schlessinger, has been dishing out secrets for a lasting marriage to young, pampered, well-to-do future brides.

Those secrets include the art of baking cakes from scratch, sewing a straight hem, setting the perfect table, even mixing a mean margarita – all the while dressed impeccably.

Ms. Topete's advice may sound old-fashioned, but that's the point.

At a time when American women are rethinking the way they balance work and home, many Mexican women are increasingly facing the same dilemma.

Divorce rates in Mexico are fast approaching 50 percent, catching up with those of the United States and Europe.

"Family is the more important, and the woman is the one who maintains those values," says Ms. Topete, explaining that she's determined to rescue tradition and re-instill a sense of pride in homemaking.

"The woman is the foundation of the family. ... I sound old-fashioned, but that's why there is lots of divorce," she says.

Still, Ms. Topete concedes that her fight represents a losing battle. Dramatic economic and social changes in Mexico are pushing a huge number of women into the workforce.

Many lament that, as much as they'd like to heed Ms. Topete's advice and uphold traditional values, they can't afford to.
 

Economic need

Government statistics show that one of every three Mexican women works outside the home. But in a country where more than 50 percent of the population of 100 million lives in poverty, the actual number is likely much higher.

Many women work off the books in the so-called informal economy as street vendors, nannies and maids. They cannot afford to stay home. They must support their families.

Economics aside, social commentators say the once rock-solid credibility of the Catholic Church that promoted faith and family, is under attack.

Moreover, young Mexicans are exposed to the same media images as their U.S. counterparts, whether it's the scantily clad Britney Spears on MTV or the latest movies, even those made in Mexico, with graphic sex scenes, such as the hit film Y Tu Mamá También, which some say push the envelope too far.

But against long odds, Ms. Topete is fighting back with a new marketing campaign that includes her personal Web site, regular appearances on television, and radio interviews.

She also hopes to have her own TV show offering advice on homemaking and marriage.

Ms. Topete considers herself an expert on the matter. She began her career, or hobby, as she calls it, a decade ago, by first offering unsolicited advice to her daughters and their friends.

Soon word spread.

Other girls flocked to her home after school.

Today, surrounded by walls lined with family pictures, Ms. Topete feels vindicated. She points to her marriage of 38 years, her five children – including two daughters – and 11 grandchildren as proof that unions do work, provided that women return to basic values.
 

Army of virtue

These days, her "army to rescue Mexico's virtue" consists of about 30 girls whose parents pay 700 pesos – about $64 – per month for the yearlong course.

"Each girl here will do their part to uphold the traditions," she said.

The after-school course includes thick, three-ringed, bound notebooks filled with recipes and tips for keeping a beautiful home and a satisfied husband.

Handouts also include information on self-esteem and a video – If You Love Me Show Me – that stresses the importance of keeping one's virginity until marriage.

"It matters. It matters," Ms. Topete reminds her students.

Among her warriors is Jimena Rodríguez, 19, who admits some of her friends presume "we're all nuts here."

"They make fun of me, but in the end the men will want to be with us," she says with a smile. "In Mexico, family is what we value most."

Ironically, these girls may never have the need to sew or bake a cake. They generally come from wealthy families who rely on servants, as Ms. Topete does, to help around the house.

Ms. Topete's two maids, sisters Marcela, 19, and Rosa, 16, applaud the advice and said they have learned much about finding a husband with "hopefully lots of money."

Otherwise, Marcela says, "We'll be stuck at work all day."

Amid Mexico's overwhelming economic and social changes, Ms. Topete concedes she's fine-tuning her message these days. That's because half the mothers of her own students work during the day.

Ms. Topete now stresses the art of compromise – "stay at home, at least half of the time," words that Andrea Duhart, 19, took down with much interest.

Ms. Duhart, 19, is studying architecture and plans to work and marry within the next four years without losing sight of her priority: family.

But she stresses, "I don't think that just because I know how to sew on a button my husband won't divorce."

That's precisely why Ms.Topete won't waver on the afternoon siesta.

In a country where men stray so much that the phrase casa chica – "little house" – is used routinely to signify the "other woman," Ms. Topete reminds students that, once married, "good sex" leads to harmony, happier husbands who in turn will value and support their wives more, leading to a richer family life.

"Some of my former students now call me and thank me," she says.

"The siesta theory passed down by my grandmother does wonders."