BY FRANCES ROBLES

 WASHINGTON -- The child psychiatrist who examined Elian Gonzalez for more than two hours this week recommended that no visit with his Miami relatives take place until heated tempers cool, but said the boy would benefit from letters, tapes and pictures from them, according to an affidavit filed in court Wednesday.

 The recommendation from Dr. Paulina F. Kernberg came as Elian and his Cuban family spent their first full day at the Wye River Plantation in rural Maryland, and as the battle for control of the child and his ultimate custody escalated in Washington. Elian's Miami relatives were on a flight home to South Florida late Wednesday night. Kernberg said Elian shouldn't witness the family quarrels. The Cornell University Medical College psychiatry professor hired by the INS to evaluate Elian also told government officials that the boy is doing well, but tires easily. She said Elian appears to have not a maternal feeling for his cousin Marisleysis, but instead a school-boy crush. Kernberg also said the Miami relatives should go through psychological counseling to help adjust to Elian's changed status before they are allowed to visit. Her assessment was immediately attacked by Cuban-American psychiatrists, who traveled to Washington from Miami to denounce the care Elian is getting.

 ``In my opinion, a visit by Elian's Miami relatives would not be advisable in their current angry state,'' Kernberg wrote. ``In that frame of mind, they would likely be disruptive for the child, who demands a quiet period of emotional healing from the last few weeks of stress.''

 Kernberg's affidavit says Elian told his stepmother that he has a secret: a secret love named ``Mari,'' the nickname of his cousin Marisleysis.

 ``In my observations of Elian, there were indications that his cousin Marisleysis Gonzalez may be an idealized love rather than a maternal figure,'' Kernberg said  ``His feelings for Marisleysis are similar to the romantic feelings of a school boy for his teacher or a wished-for girlfriend.''

 Marisleysis, Elian's cousin and surrogate mother, flew to Washington, D.C., along with other members of her family hours after Elian did, demanding to see him. In a press conference Sunday morning, she engaged in a rambling, 20-minute emotional tirade, hurling barbs at the president, attorney general and the boy's father.

 Kernberg said that kind of emotion and anger needs to be set aside.

 DRAMATIC SHIFT

 The family's advisors had already suggested a change that has resulted in a dramatic shift: the 21-year-old cousin, her father and uncle have for three days refused to give media interviews. Instead of making public statements, the entourage held private meetings with sympathetic senators and a conservative group that plans to request Justice Department records on the case.

 ``I'm sorry, we can't speak,'' her father, Lazaro Gonzalez, told The Herald.

 Although the family showed up several times unannounced at Andrews Air Force Base, the relatives did not directly ask to meet with Juan Miguel's attorney, Gregory Craig, or the Justice Department. Craig received calls on their behalf from Sen. Bob Smith, R-N.H., and from Donato Dalrymple, the child's rescuer, who accompanied the family to Washington.

 Kernberg told immigration officials it would have been best if Elian's custody transfer had taken place with both sides of his family present. That didn't happen: The boy was yanked from his relative's home in an armed, predawn raid Saturday.

 Despite that, Kernberg said Elian is happily adjusting and bonding with his family. She said that she had brought Elian some toy soldiers -- dressed much like the Border Patrol agents who snatched him from the Gonzalezes home Saturday -- to see his reaction. She said that he played with them normally, showing no anxiety. From that she concluded that while the raid had clearly startled and frightened Elian, it was not likely to have long term effect.

 The boy also seems to admire his dad, shown by the picture he drew of Juan Miguel standing on top of a mountain. His face brightens when he just looks at his dad, whose shoulders he likes to hang from and whose arms he likes to be wrapped in, Kernberg said.

 Elian ``told me that the image was his `daddy looking around,' '' Kernberg wrote.

 The child is sometimes stubborn -- he refused to drink milk or take vitamins, but he has a sense of humor and helps change his half-brother's diapers. He played Tic Tac Toe and hide-and-seek.

 ``He's playful, interactive,'' INS spokeswoman Maria Cardona said. ``He calls his stepmother mama and teased with his father.''

 EASILY FATIGUED

 Kernberg noted that the boy seems to fatigue too easily -- an expected consequence of the exhausting five months he has experienced since he embarked for America.

 ``During our visit, Elian seemed cheerful and at times elated, alternating with states of being quiet. I had the impression that he tired easily,'' Kernberg wrote. ``I believe that the stressful nature of the last several months (i.e., constant crowds and media access; late hours) may have exhausted him.''

 Kernberg's evaluation mirrored the one by Dr. Gustavo Cadavid, the INS psychiatrist who flew with Elian to Washington to meet his father. Cadavid said the boy's biggest emotional stumbling block seems to be his mother's death, not his own brush with firearms.

 ``I have a feeling there's been very little grieving going on,'' Cadavid said. ``Now it's Elian's time. It's time for the adults to step back. If Marisleysis really loves him, she needs to understand that.''

 Not all doctors are in agreement. A group of Cuban-American psychiatrists traveled from Miami to Capitol Hill on Wednesday to cast doubt on Kernberg's assessments.

 ``It would be unethical and improper for psychiatrists to make pronouncements without careful evaluations, and there hasn't been enough time for that,'' said Jose Carro, president of the Cuban Pediatric Society in Exile.

 Lydia Usategui, a Cuban-American psychiatrist who evaluated the boy in Miami, said Kernberg was ``jumping to conclusions'' when she determined the boy was happily bonding with his father. She also urged a prompt reunion with his Miami kin, and worried about the long-term impact the raid will have on Elian.

 ``A smile can't explain what is happening with that boy,'' Usategui said. ``You cannot break the bonds with Marisleysis in the way that it was done.''

 GROUPS' LETTERS

 The Cuban American Psychiatric Association and Carro's group wrote President Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno on Sunday demanding that the physicians who examined the boy in Miami immediately be allowed to evaluate him and provide ``continuity of care.''

 They insisted on independent evaluations by ``sensitive professionals with a thorough understanding of Cuban culture and the sociopolitical intricacies of the case.''

 Elian remains sequestered at the Wye Conference Center on Maryland's eastern shore, courtesy of a private family that has donated its guest house. The Cuban government has offset food costs, and the INS is paying for the security detail.

 The Washington Post reported that Nina Houghton, widow of Corning Glass magnate Arthur Houghton, who donated the land for the Wye River conference centers, offered the use of Carmichael Farms to Juan Miguel's family. Cardona, the INS spokeswoman, confirmed that Houghton is the ``private donor'' who is hosting the family.

 Elian's cousin, a fifth-grader, and Elian's kindergarten teacher joined him there Wednesday. Four more friends and their parents are expected today.

 Special correspondent Ana Radelat and staff writer Frank Davies contributed to this report.

                     Copyright 2000 Miami Herald