BY ELINOR J. BRECHER

 When Elian Gonzalez and his father reunite, it could be easier than anyone who
 hasn't lived through it might imagine.

 So says Pamela Stuart-Mills, executive director of the Washington-based
 Parental Alienation Syndrome Research Foundation, who has lived through it
 dozens of times, including with her own three children.

 She calls it ``nonsense that must be debunked,'' that reunification with his father
 need be a lengthy, traumatic process.

 She said she has watched children in parental kidnapping cases rebond ``in less
 than 24 hours'' with mothers they haven't seen in three years.

 Which is not to say that Elian might not act out.

 ``Separation from a parent can really provoke anxiety and even hostility,'' said Dr.
 Rigoberto Rodriguez, president of the South Florida Psychiatric Society.

 Death, in this case of the child's mother, ``is the ultimate separation, and also
 can provoke hostility. . . . Sometimes a child has very strong memories that are
 very traumatic and significant and need to be paid attention to.''

 WORST-CASE SCENARIO

 Marsha Gilmer-Tullis, family services advocate for the National Center for Missing
 and Exploited Children, said in reunifications, ``we try to anticipate that the child
 will be uncomfortable'' and hesitant. ``It's extremely common. We try to prepare
 parents for the worst-case scenario: A child may run screaming, and parent is
 absolutely devastated.''

 But some ``immediately come to the parent, hugging, and, `I missed you . . . ' It's
 important for the parent let the child determine how fast or slow reunification
 should go.''

 Dr. Lourdes Rodriguez-Nogues also has lived through it, from an angle closer to
 Elian's.

 The Boston therapist was a Pedro Pan refugee in 1961. At 13, she was the oldest
 of five children in a group that included her 10-year-old brother, Enrique.

 After a month at a children's camp in Miami and eight months in New York
 Catholic orphanages, they reunited with their parents, who raised them and two
 younger siblings in Puerto Rico.

 ``My parents didn't talk about it a lot with me since reunification, but one time my
 mother said she felt guilty. I thought she meant about sending me, but she meant
 about how she had to keep my sister,'' who at 2, was too young to send. ``She
 felt she was putting my sister in danger. It was exactly like Sophie's Choice. I
 thought she'd say it was the other way around!''

 A MOTHER'S SACRIFICE

 Elian's mother ``made an incredible sacrifice for her child to enjoy freedom, and
 some say that's why he should stay. My take is: Why is this child going to be
 separated from his father?''

 Jack Levine, president of the Center for Florida's Children, an advocacy group
 based in Tallahassee, is counting on childrens' natural pluck to bring Elian
 through.

 ``I am astonished at how resilient children can be once the turmoil and limbo of
 life ceases and some semblance of normality takes hold. I've seen it in war
 victims and witnesses to crimes,'' though no one can predict the long term.

 In any case, 6-year-olds live in a mix of fantasy and reality. They think what they
 dream is real, and that real tragedies might be fiction, Levine said.

 Elian's first exposure to his dad ``has got to be extended, private and long-lasting.
 What I think he needs most is a signal that this relationship with his father and
 [Cuban] family is permanent. Permanence is the main ingredient of a bond.
 Turmoil is the antithesis.''

                     Copyright 2000 Miami Herald